Friday 4/3/20: Musings and Random Thoughts

My thoughts have been so jumbled, so at odds and so complex lately that trying to put them all together in some coherent, thematic way feels impossible and overwhelming.

Because everything feels overwhelming these days, I decided instead to simply get them down and to share them. Please share your thoughts as well. It's been so helpful for me to hear how others are faring and thinking as we all move through this very strange new landscape.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking (in no particular order):

-I’m exhausted all the time in that, “I’ve done nothing all day” way.

-Fuck new normal. It’s overrated and old normal was wildly under appreciated.

-Gel manicures are cheap.

-The 30 day alcohol budget buckled and finally collapsed by day 10. Good thing the clothing  budget’s flush.

-Counting calories is for losers. Counting cookies is far more efficient, tasty and fun.

-There are no rules. Make your own. Do what makes you happy.

-I’m done with politics. Trump? Biden? I’d vote Tiger King for President. I mean who would really notice the difference?

-My work husband is a totally different person than I know. I have no idea who the person in my  living room is and I know I never would’ve married somehow who said, “Change the narrative” that much. Never.

-I’m definitely a short hair person.

-Bras are completely unnecessary and, going forward, they are banned from my home. The clothing budget just increased nicely.

-I’m grateful that I’m not a doctor or nurse. I am not built for that kind of self-sacrifice. They are God’s little army.

-Never again will I be making fun of my husband’s mini-doomsday prepping behaviors.

-I want to declutter but I don’t want to.

-I should plant a garden, but I don’t want to.

-I wish I could take all the people in the country that are still not getting it and drop them into an ER in NYC without a mask.

-When I drive, if I feel like my car is getting to close to the one in front of it, I back off. I don’t want it to get sick.

-When this is all over, will I ever be able to watch TV and not cringe when people are closer than 6 feet from each other?

-Chocolate, cheetos and day drinking are no longer guilty pleasures. They are a daily source of joy.

-Me to myself: “Let’s work out every day and get the best body ever.” Me to myself: “I don’t want to.”

-Fox News, CNN and MSNBC are not allowed in my home.

-Fantasies of telling off Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell on national TV take up too much of my time. 

-My level of satisfaction derived from just thinking about my grocery pickup tomorrow morning could be cause for concern. Had I’d scored TP, the thrill might be second only to finding out for the first time that I was going to be a grandmother.

-I’m only brushing my teeth once a day before bed. The other time used to be before leaving the house in the morning. You see the problem?

-I had my first dream that included our lives during this pandemic. CoVid-19 is now officially part of my subconscious.

-When I get angry or teary about what this experience has personally cost me, the comparison to so many in far worse circumstances makes me feel ashamed.

-In what feels to me like a detoured moment in time, I mourn for the days, weeks and possibly months that seem to have been stolen from me. The pressure to make them worthy or meaningful is paralyzing at times. 

-People’s compassion, creativity and self sacrifice is humbling. I see it every day in so many ways.

-I want to drive to NYC and stand in Times Square as a witness to history. It must be surreal.

-After watching “Orange is the New Black,” I figured I could do jail time. It wouldn’t be that bad to have books, three square meals and a routine. I was horrifyingly wrong.

-My dog annoys the crap out of me. I love him, but wow. 

-I think about those dying alone in hospitals and about their loved ones not being able to be with them and the agony that must cause. It makes me consider writing a letter to my husband and kids that says everything I would want to say should it ever be me. 

-Being able to reconnect with those we may have allowed our busy lives to push aside has reminded us that friendship is a gift. 

-I want to buy Dr. Birx a tasteful, statement scarf and, when possible, I'd love to hug Dr. Fauci and buy him a drink.

-My adult kids have made me proud. They have acted responsibly and compassionately. I think it’s all thanks to me.

-I know I love my husband. I didn’t know I liked him so much.

There’s so much more in the cluttered attic of my brain, but I don’t want to do anymore cleaning and sifting. I’m tired. Time for a shower and a beer. Be happy, be safe, be kind. TGIF!!